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Thursday
April 17th, 2008 | 12:52am
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Oh Boy. I didn't think it was possible to feel this way again. <33
well yeah. i'm kind of falling for this extremely adorable, funny, outgoing, makes me forget all my troubles and makes me happy when he talks to me kind of guy.
<33
he's gorgeous.... he's got crazzy hair... and he plays guitar.
what more could I ask for?
so like i wanted to punch the wall before ,i was in such a bad mood..... but he talked to me today...which made me extremely happy within 2 seconds and i didnt care about my bad mood anymore..<33
ahhhhh
i forgot this feeling existed.
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Sunday
March 23rd, 2008 | 2:04am
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Forget the times he walked by, forget the times he made you cry, forget the times he spoke your name, remember your feelings aren’t the same, forget the times he held your hand, forget the sweet things if you can, forget those times and don’t pretend, remember now he’s only a friend.
</3.
The thing that hurts me the most is just thinking about him start loving someone else, knowing that he loved me at one point..and im just upset because hes going to have feelings for someone else now.
but hey.. why should it matter to me...he just likes me as a friend now..
so the past year and a half of my life was wasted...
:'(
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Tuesday
March 18th, 2008 | 12:20am
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I can't believe i'm wasting my time for a self centered asshole like him who thinks he could just use people whenever he wants and then blow them off and not giving a fuck about how you feel.
I dont want to love you if you dont love me
i dont want to need you if you dont need me to
i dont want to tell you this now but it wouldnt be right if i, didnt tell you this tonight,
:(
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Thursday
March 13th, 2008 | 9:09pm
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Nicole, you need to get a life and stop reading live journal!! haha
okay....so he plays guitar and has crazy hair..what more could i ask for in a guy!!!!!
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Wednesday
March 12th, 2008 | 11:48pm
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Vent. vent.vent.vent this is fucking bullshit.
wtf am i doing? why am i being a total fucking idiot?
yeah, it worked out the first year,,but after i kissed david before our anniversary, it all went down from there.the fucking fighting got worst and and trust just dissapeared all together.and now we've broken up for good about 3 weeks ago..and what the fuck was i thinking trying to get back with him? he changed into this fucking dipshit bullshitting dick son of a bitch....he went to far when he fucking ditched me crying over my grandmother to go play halo with nick. that was the first friday i cried, then the next day on saturday he treated me like shit again and was fucking lieing to me acting like i didnt know what was going on, i begged him not to get off the phone while i was hysterical crying and he didnt care.that was the 2nd day i cried.. then on sunday he made my birthday seem fucking dull because i didnt get any fucking giftwrapped presents from anymore..sorry i dont have my whole fucking family who lives down the block from me..that was the 3rd night in a row i cried...then on monday i got mad at him and he asked why i was yelling at him and i said because he was yelling at me over the weekend and he said that he wanted to get off the phone with me so then i got even more mad and pushed him out of the car and drove away crying which he did not fucking care about because he still didnt understand that what he did on friday was totally rude...u do not treat someone like that, so i told him if someone he knew dies,im not going to give a shit and im just going to blow him off, see how he likes it which makes it the 4th day in a row i cried..then that night i went and hung out with him and he got mad at me because i didnt fucking do him in the car..get the fuck over it.. then on tuesday..i went to his fucking school like i do every tuesday and thursday by the way. and drove his fucking ass to boces.. but i didnt cry that night..but tonight, wednesday.. im TELLING HIM THAT IM COMING TO SEE HIM DURING HIS 5TH PERIOD TOMORROW LIKE I DO EVERY TUESDAY AND THURSDAY..and he says. i dont know what im doing yet...im like wtf are u talking about, im coming to see u like i do every tuesday adn thursday and hes like.. no u dont see me every tues and thurs..and im like yea the fuck i do..and hes like, i dont wanna wait 15 min for the bus after u leave and im like.. I ALWAYS FUCKING WAIT TILL UR BUS GETS THERE AND THEN I LEAVE. I NEVER LEAVE EARLY../ soo now hes fucking acting like none of this has ever happened and hes acting naive on purpose..and he said he doesnt know what hes doing tomorrow 5th period, if hes hangin out with marissa or nick and im like, WELL IM TELLING U WAHT UR DOING.. IM COMING TO SEE U. and he kept saying that he didnt know what he was doing yet...and im, why the fuck are u being a dick, if u dont want to fucking see me then fucking tell me! dont sit there and make up some bullshit answer..and he just kept saying over and over that he dosent know what hes doing..and im like... im comingggggggggggg toooooooooo seeeeeeeeeee uuuuuuu....now u know what ur doing and he said..i dont know what im doing..so i said again, then fucking tell me u dont want to see me because im not going to ur school and im not going to fucking sit there in the car and wait for u to call me to tell me that ur not going to hang out with me..even though im at ur schooL already..NOT GONNA FUCKING HAPPEN... so he made me cry AGAIN.. ive never cried so much in such continous days.
so while crying im like.. matt why dont u fucking tell me that u dont want to see me anymore and stop fucking lieing to me..just tell me alreaddy so i can fucking stop trying to be with u again...tell me that ur moving on so i can move on to because im tired of just being ur friend..so just tell me u dont care anymore..and he's sitting there acting like he doesnt care what im saying... and he said he'll call me tomorrow.. and im like not. dont fucking worry about it because im not going to ur school so i dont want to fucking hear about what u did 5th period because it wont be with me
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Thursday
November 29th, 2007 | 1:56pm
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OMG ITS LIKE...THE 2 DAYS BEFORE DECEMBER.
LOVE.
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Sunday
November 11th, 2007 | 8:31am
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i fucking hate that kid so much and i wish he would stop talking to me before i throw a fucking fit.
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Thursday
June 21st, 2007 | 7:08am
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Tonight is prom.
today is my physics regents.
and it's the first day of summer.
and it's 11 months for me and matt.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Monday
May 28th, 2007 | 1:23am
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Forget the times he walked by, forget the times he made you cry, forget the times he spoke your name, remember your feelings aren’t the same, forget the times he held your hand, forget the sweet things if you can, forget those times and don’t pretend, remember now he’s only a friend..
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Wednesday
May 16th, 2007 | 8:28pm
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mood |
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 cynical |
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I dont even know what to do anymore. I dont even know what to say anymore.
my life has been going downhill and it's never coming back up.
everything is fucked up.
i fucked my life up and now its ruined. i can never take back what i did and i so wish i could. im scared and alone and no one can help me
Im so lost.
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Sunday
April 29th, 2007 | 9:25am
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Indescribable feeling. <3
So this has been a pretty busy weekend so far.
on friday i took my road test and I passed... finally. :)
then i went to my cousins talent show at mepham at night. it was pretty cute. then went into to town with nicole for a little while.
saturday morning sucked. my dad wakes me up at 8 and said were going to the 6 hour defensive driving course.. so i had to get ready within 10 min and leave. it was me, tom, my dad and frankie who went. and it took place at my dads work so he knew people there.. I have to say, it would have been the worst/most boring 6 hours of my life if the instructor wasnt the funniest guy i knew. everyone was cracking up for hours. and the best part of it was when, we had to grade our own driving skills and tom said he drove "god-like", so for the rest of the time, the instructor always made a remark about tom being god. it was great.
then i got home at 3:30. took a shower and got ready then left for work at 4:06 or something, hung out there for a little while then worked from 5-11.
"some people shouldn't judge others when they don't know them!!!"
then i drove matt and scotty boy home. got some starbucks and then i got home at around 12:30. and passed the fuck out,
so now im up right now because cleo wouldnt stop whining. and its 9 am in the morning.
im about to go do my spanish 150 essay. oh boy.
then i have work from 2-10.
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Friday
April 20th, 2007 | 9:53pm
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Yeah.
I'm pretty tired right now.
I have my college test tomorrow for Nursing.
Like, OMG.
It's gonna suck.
And
tomorrow is mine and matt's 9 month anniversary..:)
but I won't even be able to see him at all this weekend. :(
whatever.
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Monday
March 26th, 2007 | 2:29pm
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About my weekend..it got from bad to worst.
Well on friday I drove up to Virginia.. there was a lot of traffic so it took a long time to get there. I realized i forgot my phone charger at home so basically i had my phone off all weekend to contain battery power and only turned it on every so often.
so on saturday morning. i went to go look at George Mason university.. it was alright. it didnt really capture my attention or anything.. but it was ok. so then we got back to the house at like 3. then i went to IHOP with amanda, he baby Kaiden and amandas friends brittany and blake. then after wards. me and amanda and kaiden went to keiths house i the middle of no where to cut his hair...
then at night me and amanda went to the movies and saw the hills have eyes 2.. before the movie started i thought i would give matt a call because it was basically the only time i had service.. a
then sunday night, me amanda and the baby went to jenna and chris' apartment for a while.. then went back to the house.
so now im home and really tired.
oh yeah. i found out my work schedule for the break.. im working, tuesday,wednesday,thursday,friday,and saturday...
oh boy !
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Sunday
March 18th, 2007 | 10:59am
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What the hell happened last night?..
well, i've come to realizet that something good happens the 17th of every month. Last month, as i was reading before, on feb 17 was a pretty good day.
so yesterday, march 17th, was st. patricks day.
During the day sucked soooo much, i was literally crying.
everyone and everything sucked.
so then i went to matts house at like..8 or something.
i hung around with him and nick..
well we drank, which means i drink which means it was bad.
i dont even know what i drank except that it tasted like green apple.
then we all went for a walk down the street.. they were so drunk or tipsy..or something. idk what they were. but nick slipped on the ice and dropped his drink on his pants and it looked like he wet himself.. it was funny. then it was snowing so we went back to matts house.
hung out in his aunts house.
after that. all i remember is drinking more, going in his aunts room
yeah.
k bye
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Thursday
March 8th, 2007 | 6:36pm
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So like, tomorrow is my 18 birthday!
oh yes, score.
and I got into George Mason college. My dad is very excited and i wonder why..oh yes, because its in fucking virginia.
i almost cried though because i dont want to leave.
what am i going to do?
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Saturday
February 17th, 2007 | 2:43pm
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mood |
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loved |
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2.17.07
<3 forever
So last night was one of the best nights of my life. It was simply, Perfect.
I went to Matt's house and when I got there, he gave me flowers. :)
then we went to dinner, it was nice,
He gave me more presents - a picture frame with a picture of us, a necklace (ive been seeing this this one necklace everywhere, and i wanted it really bad, and coincidentally he got me the same one :) ), earrings, a red heart pillow, and best of all, FURRY HANDCUFFS. ahhh i love handcuffs, hehe. i was so excited
then we just hung out.
his sister came in to say goodbye to him and she'll miss him because she was leaving 4:30 am the next morning.. and im like aww thats sweet. thenhe started asking me all these question like, do you tell your dad you love him? and ur brothers? and ur friends? and ur aunt? and ur cat? and all these questions.. and in my head im like, no i love you.
then he asked, "do you love me?" and i was taken by surprise.
and he said it back.
I was so happy
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Monday
February 12th, 2007 | 5:25pm
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I feel so ashamed.
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Monday
February 5th, 2007 | 8:29pm
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Colour me your colour, baby
Colour me your car
Colour me your colour, darling
I know who you are
Come up off your colour chart
I know where you're coming from
Call me on the line
Call me call me any anytime
Call me my love you can call me any day or night
Call me
Cover me with kisses, baby
Cover me with love
Roll me in designer sheets
I'll never get enough
Emotions come I don't know why
Cover up love's alibi
Call me on the line
Call me call me any anytime
Call me oh my love
When you're ready we can share the wine
Call me
Ooh, he speaks the languages of love
Ooh, amore, chiamami chiamami.
Oo, appelle-moi mon cherie, appelle-moi
Anytime anyplace anywhere anyway
Anytime anyplace anywhere any day, anyway
Call me my life
Call me call me any anytime
Call me for a ride
Call me call me for some overtime
Take me out and show me off
Put me on the scene
Dress Me in the fashions of the nineteen nighties
You're the man no in between
I know what you words can mean
Call me call me any anytime
Call me for a ride
Call me call me for some overtime
Call me in my life
Call me call me in a sweet design
Call me call me for your lover's lover's alibi
Call me on the line
Call me call me any anytime
Call me
Oh, call me, ooh ooh ah.
Call me my love.
Call me, call me any anytime.
BLONDIE- CALL ME
GREATEST SONG EVER.
fuck emotional problems.
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Monday
February 5th, 2007 | 5:39pm
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I think I might of sprained my right shoulder.
:(
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Monday
January 15th, 2007 | 11:54am
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I can't really describe in words.. but yesterday really fucking sucked..and today hasn't fucking started off good either.
I thought I loved you, but I guess I was wrong again.
"I don't want to cry a tear for you so forgive me if I do"
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